Characters: Walt Hasser, Ray Person, Brad Colbert briefly mentioned,
Disclaimer: I don't own Generation Kill, nor do I mean any disrespect to the real men in the First Recon Marines, and their families. This is based on the actors' portrayal of real men in a fictional setting not the actual men themselves.
Warnings: AU, Crack, Genderbend
Summary: Rae Person's got a new look, Walt's not exactly fond of it.
A/N: I blame fishandcheese for this. What essentially started at us mutually raging at this really blatant Anti-Feminist article by Maxim, then Fishuu pointed out the girl looks initially like a female Ray Person. Then this discussion happened and then...HISTORY. Or something. I wrote this under two hours, so apologies for any errors since I have no beta since my usual beta actually really hates GK. Title from Replay by Sean Kingston.
Walt isn't surprised when Rae breaks into his apartment, it's a testament in itself that he's far too used to this sort of thing. But Rae keeps losing spare keys and she just always has to force her way in.
Walt IS however surprised to see her almost naked, and trying to pose on his table.
Trying, being the term as she almost slides into the dinner set out for him and his roommate.
"Uh...Rae?" Walt greets because Rae Person is in red silk underwear on his table and she's wearing make-up and heels so high he's sure somewhere his Mom is clutching her chest in horror and she doesn't even know why.
"So I heard from a couple of skan--" Rae catches herself and tries to give what should be a 'cute' smile but just looks strained on her face, her make up causes her to resemble some kind of creepy doll, "--girls in my Bio lab that your ex kinda used to look like this."
"No, not...really." It's a half lie--Jess used to dress like that in private, but Jess also turned out to be a 'filthy cheating whore' (Rae's words not his) so it's not like the look brings back fond memories. Besides, it's really, really freaking Walt out to see Rae like this.
"Can you like put on some clothes? Please?" Walt tries, wondering if he should cover his eyes or something, maybe at least move the mashed potatoes from where Rae is probably going to drop her hand.
"Wait, wait--are you telling me this shit isn't working for you?" Rae snaps, raising her arms from the table and knocking the nearby gravy boat into her lap instead, "fucking son of a--"
Walt reaches for a dish towel and can't help but laugh as he tries to help wipe gravy off of Rae's legs. Rae grabs the rag from him and does it herself, fuming.
"Yeah, yeah, fuck you too Hasser. I try and do something nice for you and I actually shaved down there and fucking plucked my damn eyebrows. This fucking shit on my faces itches, my fucking ANKLES ARE KILLING ME, and it's REALLY FUCKING COLD IN THIS ROOM HOMES--fuck you for not appreciating all my hard work!" Walt does the patient, rational thing and waits until she demands his input--interrupting Rae mid-rant is just pointless, "can't you see I'm trying to get into your damn pants?"
"I don't know why you bothered with all of this though. I like you how you are normally--" Walt sighed and ignored how Rae just knocked the still mostly full gravy train off the table, splattering food all over the clean tile floor, "I'm really not a fan of...all this."
Rae pauses and actually gapes at him for a few seconds.
"Are you shitting me." She grits out, rising from the table, throwing off the heels, and leaping at him, "you're saying, I didn't actually have to DO any of this to get you to drop your boxers."
"Well yeah," Walt explains with a little shrug, he makes sure to give her what Brad has called 'the unfucking-fair-smile' and hesitantly takes off his sweatshirt to give to her, "I mean I like you just the way you are. You look good in your normal clothes without all this weird clown shit on your face....besides..." Rae actually looks touched and that's a weird, weird expression with that eyeliner, "you are so fucking crazy, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't matter what you wear because I'm pretty used to it by now."
"Aww Hasser," Rae clutches his sweatshirt to her barely covered chest, using the sleeves to dab false tears from her eyes, "besides the fact you're talking like the dick sucker here--I mean seriously Walt, are you quoting some shitty Bruno Mars song or something--that's actually kind of you know, sweet."
Walt just rolls his eyes fondly and grab Rae's wrist, leading her to his room.
"Let's get you cleaned up, you dumbass hick."